I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Randomize
