If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just found puke in my bra..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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