i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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