Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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