there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
