I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
MIDGETS
????
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
