At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
