It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize