Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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