DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
