Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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