She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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