lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
