I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
