Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
