You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
