We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
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