Already got asked if we're dating
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
