Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize