Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
