Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Randomize
