When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
