tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
