i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
