nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
