I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize