do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
