So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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