dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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