I didn't shave. On purpose
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
COCAINE IS GR8
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
