She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think weed is turning my hair brown
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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