i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
