my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
