in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Alive.
So much puke
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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