she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You need Xanax blowdarts
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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