i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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