i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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