he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
