Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
