can we get nightvision for the apartment?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
