She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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