What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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