chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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