We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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