Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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