At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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