I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
