Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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