I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My bed smells like the plague
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