i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
