We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize