i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
