i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
