I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
