I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
