you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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