Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
