That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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