I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
