Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
