I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
