thus making me awesome and them whores
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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