honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
