I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
