looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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