I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I love you. Go after that dick
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
