Moan for me like Helen Keller
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
