I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
