Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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